Our family’s had many blessings this year but also experienced a very significant loss. The loss wasn’t something totally unexpected but a shock nonetheless. We met this guy Josh (not our middle child Joshua but another young man with the same cool name). Let’s just call new Josh JD for less confusion.

We got acquainted with this young man a decade ago when our oldest granddaughter Ariana and JD started dating. JD worked at U of M (boo-hiss said every loyal Iowa Hawkeye fan) in the IT department, about 30 miles away but lived near us in Jackson with his mom. He was handsome, polite and doted on Ari. About 18 months into their relationship Ari discovered she was pregnant. They were both in their mid-20’s, mature and seemed unlikely that anything could hinder their engagement and upcoming foray into marriage and parenthood. Becoming a great grandmother was awesome. Jovi Marie was born (full grown-just ask Ari) in early 2017. Life for them and the rest of the family was good. That euphoria however was not about to last.

I don’t know exactly how many times in the 8 years since Jovi’s birth JD has been picked up for impaired driving or been under the influence of drugs. I guess the defining/declining moment was when JD discovered his 51 year-old mom dead when he got home from work one day about 6 years ago. It had always been the 2 of them (she adored him but was also an enabler and condoned his behavior). He simply fell apart. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Ari and Jovi, but he was so deep in misery and depression he just couldn’t stay clean.

JD would spend weeks in rehab, find his way back to life with his little family, change the negatives in his life and start over. Three years ago he wanted to add a pet to the family. He bought a King Charles Cavalier, named her Winnie and thought it would bring him, Ari and Jovi closer. But Winnie had a thing or 2 to say about that. She had one master who she loved with all her little heart and it was JD. There was no compromise, she was JD’s dog. They lived together, ate the same food (often off the same plate) and there was always a spot on JD’s bed for 16 pound Winnie.

JD desperately wanted Ari and Jovi to move in with him so he had his house remodeled with a super cool bedroom for Jovi. But soon he would be back in rehab, his car impounded and driver’s license taken away, Winnie spending time, patiently waiting for her master’s return. More fingers than on one hand Ari watched the guy she loved spiral into the depths. It was hard watching how much she loved him and how many chances she gave. She was gutted. But her top priority was now Jovi. She had to do what was best for their daughter. She just couldn’t deal with all the uncertainty, highs, lows and chaos involving JD on a daily basis anymore.

They still loved each other, she gave him all the support she could, but their lives were separate. Ari’s mental health and safety in raising Jovi had top priority from now on. JD understood but any semblance of a normal life quickly vanished. He truly had lost his way and would not, could not find his way back.

Ari kept tabs on JD, bringing over groceries, food, taking him to appointments as his overall health declined (serious liver problems requiring hospitalization) visiting with Jovi if he wasn’t high, cleaning up after Winnie. One day in early February Ari realized she hadn’t heard from JD in a couple days. She called but he didn’t answer. She panicked and called the cops, asking for a welfare check because she was afraid of what she might find. It was bad. He had accidentally overdosed right after the last time they had spoke. And Winnie was with her deceased master that whole time, lots of trauma for the pup. (It was like JD had known, there was a huge bowl of Winnie food and water in the house, and messes everywhere).

JD died about a week before he turned 36. Devastating time for the girls. And Winnie was lost without her master. A couple weeks later Ari asked if we could take Winnie? (We haven’t had a pet for 20 years). “Absolutely not,” I said. “We can’t afford a pet, I hear from all the kids how much those vet bills and food costs are. No, no, no.” Did anybody hear or listen to me? Apparently not.

We. Have. A. Dog. Named. Winnie. (She’s a hoot!) It’s taken some time but all the love Winnie felt for JD, she has quietly lavished on the Hubs. Sure, I make her homemade dog food (brown rice, sweet potatoes, carrots, green beans, diced chicken, sausage, but she is once again a one-man-dog.

The year has been a painful learning experience for a loss of the man Ari devoted her life and heart to. For a young girl who lost her father before she turned a decade. They talk about him all the time. Jovi recently asked me if she ever sat in an antique high chair sitting in my living room? I told her all the time when she was little and went to the pictures on my iPad. Literally dozens of pictures of suppers at our house with Jovi chowing down, sitting in that high chair. Many right next to her daddy at the table. Jovi was so happy looking at those pictures, “look at my little feet, standing on my daddy’s big feet and we’re dancing!” She’d giggle and look at the next photo. Tears were streaming down my face, yet Jovi only saw the joy and love between her and her daddy. Life was good. He loved her so much, and she could see that, over and over again…