I do some odd things on the second day of seven. Every week. It’s a sort of a cleansing, and I start thinking/anticipating about it on Monday. It’s a ritual. This week’s Tuesday started out when I noticed 2 jars of Parmesan cheese in the fridge. That shit drives me nuts. Not the cheese, but having duplicates in the fridge opened at the same time. I blame the Hubs because of a serious affliction he’s had during our married life. He cannot ‘spot/find’ anything in the fridge ranging in size from a gallon of milk to one lone jalapeño in its own zip lock bag in the veggie drawer. If he can’t find what he’s looking for in 1.2 seconds, it’s definitely not there and we need a new jar/container of whatever. Sigh. I combined the 2 jars and felt a wonderful sense of accomplishment. Ah, neater and more space. (It’s the little things in life folks).

I thought the empty Parmesan jar might be good for something besides the garbage so I tossed it in a sink of hot, soapy water. Twenty minutes later, sweat poring off my forehead, the ‘stickum’ had not disintegrated from where the label was attached with 8 dollars worth of gorilla glue. I could have bought a set of 6 glass jars with 18 interchangeable lids in less time (and work). Why do I fart around endlessly with stuff like this? My bottle of Goo-Gone was gasping and pushing more air than goo spray so I gotta add that on my grocery list. Better yet, check under the sink first to see if I’ve already purchased a spare. Yup, brand new bottle. Combined those 2 bottles with one teaspoon leftover-which I couldn’t throw away. Argh. Dumped it in a throw away foil cake pan and nestled in the Parmesan jar to rid itself of its sticky residue sometime during my lifetime. I hope. It’s sitting on my counter which is looking cluttered, just what I’m trying to avoid on purge Tuesday.

Noticed when checking the nether regions beneath my sink, I spotted twin bottles of Easy Off window cleaner. One with 2 T. left, the other dang near full. Tried my best to combine them, alas the full one would only hold one of those 2 tablespoons. You know it, couldn’t throw that minuscule amount away either, so I ran around the house like a deranged cleaning woman, washing all the glass on every antique curved glass china closet, bookcase and secretary in the house. By then the bottle had to be pointed heavenward so the tube could suck up that last drop. It’s not that my antiques didn’t need the (Jovi) fingerprints, dust and grease removed. It’s just that an hour ago the simple act of spotting an extra Parmesan container, or the Easy-Off squirt bottles ends up making more work than either were worth. And yet I can’t stop myself.

I’m not against throwing stuff out. I throw junk away ALL THE TIME. That’s why it’s called my Tuesday purge. Tuesday is garbage day at our little house and I’m forever trying to find ways to make our itty-bitty space appear bigger and neater. I’d say I go through the fridge with a fine tooth comb, but just talking about my fridge and a hair comb in the same sentence makes me gag. But I am pretty thorough. Leftovers are particularly susceptible on Tuesday’s. My mind walks backwards trying to determine exactly what night we had that delectable supper. If I reach day number 4, it goes in the garbage.

On Tuesday I want a fresh roll of toilet paper hanging (underneath, what’s wrong with you people)? Any sliver of bar soap, liquid soap, shampoo dispenser or toothpaste tube looking as flat as me goes in the garbage. Kleenex boxes that lift up when you try to pull out the next tissue is emptied and dumped. Any leftover Kleenex are stored neatly on top of new box. Newspaper ads, TV guide with listings until Sunday just might make the dumpster 5 days early. I got those programs memorized. “John, please eat that lone banana. Why not have it with the last serving of Raisin Bran and douse it with a good helping of 2% or I gotta make rice pudding with the leftover milk. Don’t want to waste the milk but the jug’s going in the garbage today.” You can see how this has become problematic right?

Hubs has his own chores on Tuesday’s. He brings the dumpster down to the end of the driveway. Our garbage service comes quite late in the day and I don’t want John hauling it down there too early because-something else might turn up ‘pritnear empty’ like the Bath & Bodyworks foam soap dispenser. If we each use the facilities and wash our hands a couple more times before 2 that sucker’s gone! I need to utilize every penny’s worth of my $27.10 garbage bill each month.

John’s duties include emptying every small trash bin from various rooms in the house and replacing with brand new, repurposed Meijer bags. If you don’t have a storage bag filled with bags for your little garbage receptacles, we are not in the same economical class/social circle. There might be a room or 2 that’s only yielded an errant fallen leaf from a plant or some ploujes (Dutch word pronounced plue-she’s) which are pieces of lint/fuzzy from socks picked off the carpet. These are not exempt from the Purge. Hubs empties them into another, fuller Meijer bag (yes we conserve) so we’ve got 7 more days before we see how full we can get those slackers. (Hubs thinks I manufacture garbage. I think I’ve just got an eagle eye and can spot a bit of trash much easier that he’s able. Yes, it’s a gift).

Some weeks there’s not much in our garbage on Tuesday, other weeks, if I’ve been canning or on a ‘baking spree,’ (that’s what Mom used to call it) Hubs would be hard pressed to fit in another toothpick before he hears the Emmons truck rumbling down the street. He’s not one to leave our dumpster down by the road, so hauls it back to our convenient spot by the back door. For a couple days there’s not a lot to be thrown out (we’re only on day 2 from leftover suppers and I’m pretty good about snagging those dishes for my next day’s lunch, but it won’t be long before I’m giving the eagle eye around the house, gearing up for next Tuesday’s purge…