Without fail, it happens every election cycle. The ominous posts, snarky comments, innuendos, hate speech, canceling, gaslighting. It’s morphed into an entity of its own.
No wait, my bad, this happens every fall, even when there’s no election. I might lose my last thread of sanity.
I scroll through these menacing posts, comments, fretting, shaking my head, wondering how low and despicable it’s gonna get before Thanksgiving. It’s very disconcerting. My world crumbles every stinking autumn.
Never gave it a passing thought before inundated by Facebook throughout every facet of my life. Meh, it’s just a phase and will be soon forgotten. Except it’s never over or forgotten, but shoved in the forefront for all the haters to voice their disgust and giving their disparaging opinions. Ugh.
Every fall since adulthood you can count on this loathsome behavior, like turning back the clock and losing another hour of sleep in November.
Who are these heartless heathens and blasphemers? How did they get so powerful? Why can’t they simply let this one important fall tradition continue in peace?
It’s the non-believers. They might not be in the majority but they’re loud and obnoxious. Their words and voices are read and heard, yet not the loyalists like me. It puts me in a very awkward position, trying to defend myself against the masses (who are looney tunes).
There was no negativity concerning this natural phenomenon when I was a kid. There was world wide acceptance the closer we got to Halloween. Life was good.
However, I believe they may have altered the taste/recipe since my youth. Of course there were bound to be imitations. As soon as a new delicacy is welcomed and heralded by the world some nefarious company out there is trying to make it cheaper, using inferior products like imitation vanilla, corn syrup instead of sugar and artificial dyes. People with less than stellar taste buds buy into this crap and soon no one remembers what gave the first delicious original such a distinctive taste.
I think the original company sweetened this delicacy with honey. Real honey. While chewing it almost made the back of your bottom jaw ache. Such sweet pain.
But just because the taste is not exactly the same as 60 years ago is not a reason to give up on a true tradition. I’m tougher than that! You’ve surmised by now I’m talking about Brach’s annual fall collection of Candy Corn. (In case you’ve never figured out that brown M & M’s taste the same as the red M & M’s, don’t be duped into believing Brach’s Autumn Mix, Candy Corn and Pumpkins taste the same).
THEY DO NOT.
Brach’s Autumn Mix is awful. The brown sections taste like dirt (matching the color). Pumpkins pass the muster but they’re too big and the green stem is just distracting. The difference in Brach’s original Candy Corn is texture. The ‘white tops’ texture is crumbly, the orange and yellow sections are chewy. Those textures fight each other in your mouth, so I separate them. The tri-color ones get eaten first, leaving the bi’s (just yellow & orange-my favorite) for dessert. The chewing slows, allowing for the ‘like textures’ to meld before swallowing. Heaven.
It’s too late to stop the hate Brach’s campaign this year but we can do better in 2023. I envision a world at peace with nary a negative post on Brach’s Candy Corn. Every living person enjoying their personal stash which never runs out. Can I get an amen?…